Like Yesterday
by xfalsethoughtsx
Summary: Angel Collins is an ER doctor at St. John's Teaching Hospital in New York City. She left Seto Kaiba, whom she was in love with, unexpectedly after they graduated from high school to go to college in the United States. Will things ever be the same for her?


_**July 12**_

_One of the doctors in the psychiatric ward had a meeting with me the other day, standard procedure and all the ridiculous administrative crap. But she got to see the hurt underneath my mask. She suggested that perhaps writing in a journal would help me, so let's give it a shot._

_I have never understood why I can't forget him. These eight years have flown by like they were nothing at all. It seems like graduation from high school was just yesterday, like I had just left him yesterday. The pain in my heart is still all too fresh, the wound reopening every little chance it is given. I am now 26 years old and am an emergency room doctor at St. John's Teaching Hospital where I hold the title of Chief Resident after completing my time there as a medical student._

_All those years ago, when I left without saying goodbye for a college halfway around the world, I remember it like it was only yesterday… yesterday. After a week of my new life I was caught by a man wearing a black tuxedo and sunglasses as I walked across my college campus to meet a new friend for lunch before our classes started._

_"Angel Collins?" He asked._

_I nodded._

_He pulled out a badge and flashed it quickly in front of my face, "Agent Rimini, I've been hired to give you this." After handing me a blank envelope he quickly turned and walked away._

_I sat down on a nearby bench and ripped the envelope open, both confused and curious about its contents. It was a letter, written in the pen of someone who's handwriting I knew better than my own, someone whose handwriting I recognized effortlessly._

"My dearest Angel,

I trust that this will reach you within a week or so of your departure. This new pain that has ripped its way across my chest has forced me into a state of helplessness. I know that you have left out of choice and it is for that exact reason that I do not expect any sort of reply from you. But I must tell you what I was too weak to say to you in person.

You are the wind beneath my wings. You are the very air I breathe. You are beauty beyond belief. You are what causes my heart to beat. I love you, and I have been in love with you since the very moment I met you. Even before then, I was waiting for you. And I will wait for you forever. My heart is steady but my hands are shaking as I think of life without you. I will not say that it is impossible for me to live without you, because I know what you would say to that. But I must say that I will be nothing but miserable because I know that you have captured my heart forever. It's yours now.

Do not abandon your dreams for my sake. I will be fine, of this I am sure. I'm sorry that I could never find the courage to say these things to you in person. Perhaps that would have made things different. I must admit that I am an ignorant fool. Please forgive me.

Yours Forever,

Seto Kaiba"

_My boyfriend had hired the FBI to find me, to give me a letter. After a year of almost no loving words to me, a year of being practically nothing but his piece of arm candy as he ran his company and dueled his way to the top, a year of being pretty much ignored except for that one night…_

_I knew that all I had to do with Kaiba was ask and he would buy me any car, any ring, any necklace, but that wasn't what I wanted. If I had stayed there I would have been too unhappy to stay with him, but at the same time too in love with him to leave him and be sure to stay away from him. And I also felt that this way the people of Domino City would stop accusing me of being a gold digger or a prostitute in secret or someone who's having an affair behind their celebrity lover's back. I wasn't any of those things and as long as I could help it, I would never be. I got into the relationship because I was in love with him and it was for that exact reason that I left him, and I planned on never going back._

_I regained my composure and went to lunch with my friend, Luka, just as I had planned, pretending that everything was ok, even though every second I talked with him the presence of Kaiba's letter burned in my jacket pocket._

_Later that same day I was called in by my financial advisor, who told me that my tuition had been paid for up until the point I would graduate through a donation from a "Japanese corporal super power."_

_The next eight years have gone by without incident or word from Seto Kaiba. The now 26 year old man has only made public appearances when absolutely necessary. To the public eye it is as if Seto Kaiba as dropped off the face of the planet. On the few occasions where he has been seen he still dresses in his infamous clothing but seems even colder and meaner than before._

_The last eight years of my life have practically been a lie, where I'm smiling on the outside and hurt underneath my skin, my mask. Eight years ago I gave up the life that I should be living..._

_**July 13**_

_When I woke up this morning I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I knew why. It was that accursed dream that had been haunting me in my sleep for the past however many nights. It would come and go every six months or so._

_The room was completely dark and I could feel footsteps behind me. I knew immediately that it was Kaiba who walked so briskly behind me. He would call my name out, as if in pain, and I would look over my shoulder to see him looking as if death was upon him. His skin was whiter than snow and he no longer filled out his clothes. His hands looked as if they were simply bones with paper pulled tightly over them. He looked pitiful, but no matter how hard I tried, my feet would not slow or turn to allow me to get to him. Eventually my body would begin to run, out of my control, until his voice faded behind me_

_I knew that throughout the night this dream had repeated itself, causing me to toss and turn, relentlessly tearing my sheets off of my bed._

_Somehow I managed to make it through work. I'm going out with Luka, whom I have been close with since starting college, tomorrow night. Perhaps that will make the nightmare disappear again._

_**July 15**_

_Luka is the best friend any woman could ask for. Or maybe I should call him my best friend with benefits. We both got drunk out of our minds last night and if I remember right, danced together on top of the bar itself. When I woke up this morning I woke up in Luka's apartment, curled up with him under a blanket in his bed, naked._

"_Good morning my little bird," Luka whispered in his thick Croatian accent, while kissing my forehead._

_I curled up closer to him and fell asleep again. Fortunately we both had the day off, because 90% of the time when we went out and got drunk, drunken sex was involved, and normally after we wake up we like to do it while sober, so we can fully enjoy it. We love each other but not in the way two adults need to in order to grow old together. We're simply close friends that trust each other and aren't afraid to go out of our way to make each other happy._

_**July 16**_

_The dreams are gone. Thank God for Luka. But even though the dreams are gone it doesn't stop the ache in the middle of my chest whenever my day slows down and there are no diseases or traumas to occupy my mind._

_**July 17**_

_It's time for a history lesson. Today, eight years ago, I left the man I love to try and make myself happy. I remember it, like it was yesterday._

_My cell phone rang on my bare floor. I picked it up and glanced at the name that flashed across the screen. "Seto Kaiba." I hit ignore. He was only calling me because I hadn't shown up at his office to have lunch with him like I always had. It was more out of curiosity than because he wanted to see me or was concerned about my absence. I taped the last few boxes shut. As I drove down the street I saw a black limousine pull up in front of my apartment building. I didn't turn back, or call. I refused. In fact, I cancelled my cell phone before I even got on my plane. I cried throughout the entire flight…_

**_July 22_**

_You can tell that it's summer vacation. All of the stupid teenagers coming into the ER every day from drug overdoses, car accidents, and other irresponsible things._

**_August 3_**

_Today is the first time I have ever thrown up and passed out on the same day while working in the hospital. Luckily Luka was there to catch me._

_It started out like any other day. I was in the ambulance bay with Luka for an MVA (multi vehicle accident) that was supposed to be pretty severe. St. John's was taking on 2 major and 6 minor traumas and many others were being taken to other hospitals around New York City._

_As the ambulance pulled into the bay Luka and I greeted the EMTs._

_"What do we have?" I yelled over the sirens._

_"26 year old male, his injuries were too extensive for us to work up in the field, but we know that he has multiple lacerations to the head and neck with a possible skull fracture…"_

_"He's not breathing!" Luka reminded me._

_"Any ID? Family?" Our boss said as he joined us._

_"His driver said he's here on business for some big company," the EMT answered, "But no ID, he passed out before he could give us any more info."_

_I jumped up on top of the patient and started CPR as the gurney was wheeled through the ER into one of the trauma rooms._

_I grabbed a tube from one of the nurses and shoved it blindly down his throat through the blood, trusting my skills, "Somebody needs to get surgery down here, now!"_

_"He's not going to make it Ang," Luka whispered to me, "Look at the kid, he's unrecognizable, he's lost way too much blood."_

_"Oh Luka, don't be so negative, we can do it," I answered as we cut the man's clothes open to get access to the rest of his injuries. But I knew Luka was right and his chances weren't all that impressive. Blood coated his face, and only a bit of his brown hair was left unstained by the sticky red goo that often meant death in this room. Two surgeons came down soon after and they went to work. We all worked on him for hours until he was stable, at least temporarily._

_I went around discharging patients and doing work-ups, stopping after each one to check on my mystery trauma survivor. Near the end of my shift I decided to clean him up a bit, Luka was going to help me. So I took a warm, wet cloth and started dabbing at his face, slowly cleaning up the dried blood. Upon finishing I took a good look at him and realized that I recognized this swollen cut up face. It was Kaiba…_

_I staggered backwards._

_Luka stood and stepped towards me, "Angel what's wrong?"_

_I leaned forward and put my head down, several seconds later I threw up in the floor, I couldn't breathe. Standing up I looked at Luka, "I know him…" and then my head went fuzzy before darkness overtook me from every direction._

_I woke up at Luka's, wrapped up in blankets, my head in his lap._

_He reminded me of what happened before I hugged him good bye, stopped at home to clean up and grab some things and then went back to the hospital. That's where I am now. Sitting at Kaiba's bedside in the trauma room where I unknowingly saved his life earlier today. I can't stand to see him like this. So I brought his letter with me for comfort, it's in my jacket pocket…_

**_August 5_**

_He hasn't woken up. I know exactly why, but I won't bore you with explaining it. Pretty much… he's in a coma and there's no way of knowing when he'll wake up… if he ever does._

_Luka called Mokuba and is picking him up at the airport in an hour or so after his shift is over. It's crazy to think that Mokuba is an adult now. Last time I had seen him he was only 13 years old. Now he's got to be almost 21, if he's not already._

_I'm old now. I never thought I'd say that. But seriously! I'm almost 30 years old and I'm unmarried, with only my job to look forward to. And it's not exactly like I'm in the most glamorous line of work here. I leave almost every day covered in blood or puke or something else that would gross out a normal person. And normally at least one of my coworkers' lives is in danger around 4 times a year. Wow… sometimes you don't realize how shitty your life is until you write it down on paper._

_I never thought I would have to see Kaiba like this. Ever since I met him he's never showed weakness or vulnerability. He's always been strong and composed. Now he's unconscious with tubes stuck in him in every direction you look. I don't know what to think…_

**_August 6_**

_Mokuba's flight got delayed and poor Luka is still at the airport…_

_I wish I wasn't still in love with Kaiba. This is too much for me. And to think… the last thing I ever said to him was a lie._

_"I'll see you tomorrow."_

_Kaiba had taken me anywhere that I wanted to go since the day we got together. And if for some reason he couldn't accompany me, he sent his limo with his driver and one of his worker's over. As Seto Kaiba's girlfriend my life was always a little in danger of ex employees and sometimes the general public, just as Mokuba's was. And because of Mokuba's multiple kidnappings, Kaiba wasn't taking any risks with me that could be avoided._

_Kaiba had decided that he wanted to take me out to dinner (this was the night before I left), and when Kaiba wanted me to go somewhere, I went, no questions asked. He took me to the most expensive restaurant in the entire city, and as we walked through the door I saw that it was completely empty._

_"You rented out the entire restaurant?" I asked as I felt him lift my jacket off of me before handing it to the host._

_"Of course," He said and shot me the gorgeous smirk that gave me chills._

_I grinned and blushed slightly before sitting down in the chair he had pulled out for me._

_We were pretty quiet for the most part, except I gasped when he handed me two dozen red roses and sat back awkwardly._

_I had no idea what to think. I was leaving the next day and had no intention of telling him. Because I knew that if I did, and he told me he didn't want me to go, then I would never leave. But at that moment I decided to make this the best night of our relationship._

_We sat quietly through dinner and shared a small bottle of champagne; the only thing that could be heard was the quiet slow Italian music that echoed through the empty restaurant. As we finished I grinned and pulled him to his feet._

_"What are you doing now?" He snapped a scowl across his face._

_"Dance with me," I said quietly and looked straight into those icy blue eyes of his._

_Several seconds later he reluctantly took me in his arms and we began to dance._

_He was an extraordinary dancer, but never let anybody see this hidden talent of his. His could twirl a girl like no other and was lighter on his feet than a bird. As the song finished up I felt him pull me closer than he ever had, his hands feeling their way around my waist._

_I looked at him, a shy grin on my face, "What are you thinking?"_

_He simply looked at me for a moment. Then, faster than a lion catches its prey, his lips met mine, the taste of champagne still fresh on them. I felt myself smile as my hands entangled themselves in his hair and his found their way to… well we won't go into great detail… just know that it was a good place for both him and myself. He let out a sound that reminded me of a growl and pulled me closer. Things got a bit hotter and then… I pulled back, out of breath._

_I smiled, knowing what I wanted to do, "Wanna get out of here?"_

_He nodded, grabbed our things and then gracefully pulled me out of the restaurant and into the back seat of his limo. The driver took us out to a spot near the beach and left to take a cab home._

_"Now where were we?" He said slyly and pulled me back into his arms. Things continued on a path exactly like the one we left back in the restaurant. And this time they kept going, and I could honestly say that I did my best to please Seto Kaiba with everything I had. Several hours later I remembered what I had to do the next morning._

_"Seto?" I asked kissed his neck lightly,_

_"Yes?"_

_"Could you have the driver come back and take me home now?"_

_He did so without asking me why. We were both dressed by time we reached my apartment building and he then walked me to my door._

_"Thank you for taking me out tonight," I said and looked at him, "It was the best night I've ever had."_

_A smile crept across his lips, an honest to goodness smile, and he took my arms and wrapped them around his waist. "I only wish that I had more time to take you out."_

_"That would be fantastic," I put on a fake face, even thought my heart was screaming at me that I was the biggest idiot on the planet. I loved him, I knew I did, but I had always promised myself that I would never let a man come between me and my future. My insides were burning with sadness and regret from the decisions I had made, they still are._

_He kissed me, letting his hands run freely through my hair, pulling back several seconds later, still smiling._

_"I'll see you tomorrow," I said._

_He nodded and stood there until I was safely inside of my locked door._

_This night made me see what a fool I was, or still am. I remember it, like it was yesterday and it still hurts as much as if that was when I had done it._

_He moved! He moved!_

**_August 7 _**

_He moved. Now they're running all kinds of tests on him to see if there is any way that they can get him to effectively respond to any stimuli. So far there's no luck._

_Mokuba's flight finally came in._

_He and Luka finally arrived at the hospital over 24 hours later than they were supposed to. At first Mokuba didn't recognize me, and then when he did, he was really happy. But that didn't last all that long._

_"Why the hell did you leave?!" He asked me._

_"Mokuba it just was something I had to do," I tried to explain unsuccessfully. As I verbalized all of the thoughts and reasons that had crossed my mind I realized how foolish truly was. I sat down, defeated. "I'm an idiot and I made a huge mistake… I left the man that had my heart… for a life of success and happiness that I could have had much easier with him in the picture."_

_After around an hour of getting lectured by a man who used to be like my little brother, I had nothing to say. I simply sat there with my head in my hands at Kaiba's bedside until Mokuba fell asleep on the other side of the bed. I feel awful…_

_**August 9**_

_Luka has been made Kaiba's attending doctor. That makes me feel a ton better, considering I have been with Luka since the beginning of our careers and I know firsthand what a fantastic doctor he is, and I can't be Kaiba's doctor myself._

_I worked my first shift this morning since Kaiba came in. It was incredibly hard to concentrate. Especially considering the fact that we always had the news playing in the library, and Kaiba was mentioned quite often. Figured the media lost interest in him for a while, so not things would go back to how they were. Reporters watching his every move…_

_An old man suffering from a type of cancer that he didn't know he had, was my first patient today. He went by the name of Kiel Yodair._

_"Hello Mr. Yodair," I smiled as I approached his bed, "What seems to be the problem today?"_

_"Why hello doc," He answered in a thick Scottish accent, "I think you must be the most beautiful young doctor in this hospital."_

_I smiled, "Thank you Mr. Yodair."_

_"Oh no, thank you lassie for making this visit much easier for me," He smiled._

_"Now why is a young man like yourself here in a place like this?" I grinned and looked at his chart. "Let's see… chest pain and difficult breathing… is that correct?"_

_Mr. Yodair coughed and nodded._

_I went about doing the normal things that we ER docs must do. I was finishing up my initial work up when he looked at me as if concentrating very hard._

_"Now lassie, I may jus' be a wee old man, but I've had a long life and a lot of experience," He coughed, "And I can tell when a person is bothered by somethin'. And all of that tells me that you're regretting something you did to somebody, and now that somebody is in trouble."_

_I nodded and smiled, "Pretty much."_

_"Well lassie let me tell you, if this is a man, and he's worth anythin' then go back to 'im," He wheezed again, "He'll welcome you back with open arms if he's been waiting for you. Don't ever let any thoughts you have overcome your heart and turn ya away from somethin' ya truly love."_

_I just smiled and finished my work up before sending his up for a chest CT, letting his words sink in. Now that I think about it, they make a ton of sense._

_The radiology department later admitted him to oncology, with stage 4 lung_ _cancer. I'll go up and see him sometime tonight or tomorrow._

_Luka is doing his best with Kaiba, but the staff still hasn't seen any improvement…_

_I promised myself that I'm not leaving this hospital until Kaiba does, and Luka promised me that he wouldn't leave until I did. So Mokuba, Luka and I would wait this out together._


End file.
